turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
