apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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