i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im holly from the hills drunk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize