So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
