I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
