Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.