Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.