using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
handjob tips. give me some.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.