in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering