please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
