Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER