It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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