Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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