The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
