trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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