Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Houston, we have a squirter
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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