Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
