She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
