ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
