Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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