Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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