Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
