You smell like stripper and shame
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
