i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
