Do vagina's smell?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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