you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
