maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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