There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
