I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
