Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
