Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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