there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
