I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
