that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
