Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
