Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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