Jerry, you need to find god
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
