WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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