I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
