Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
