just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
