I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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