It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
