Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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