Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
