she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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