she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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