nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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