I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
