Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
