I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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