I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
