Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it's like heaven, but drunker
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
