Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
