Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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