at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
