He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
