seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
