is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
