I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
