I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
