dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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