I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
