Can i not drive my cunt home
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
