Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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