with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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