i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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