im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
