flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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